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Heaven & Hell: Results

by on November 7, 2012

This is what winning looks like. Cindy retained her alley cat dominance over the rest of the club, making only one error and finishing with an impressive time of 52:30–including penalty minutes.

  Of course, getting most of the   answers right is only one way to skin an alley cat. Lies, beer and bravado also got the job done.

We arrived at HQ with pens in our pockets. Joanne was also carrying a Ziploc baggie–she came prepared for the challenge of riding while transporting a raw egg.

At HQ there was much talk about time bonuses for those of us who come from away. Not growing up in Altona is a definite disadvantage when you’re trying to hustle around town and you don’t know the shortcuts like the locals do.

There was some debate as to whether Cheryl should get a bonus or a penalty for sleeping with the Race Director–the jury is still out. On the driveway at HQ we were happy to meet Shaun D., our volunteer timekeeper for the event. I’m sure our Race Director picked Shaun for his ability to do math while surrounded by women.

Five of us dashed off to complete the challenge solo, but Cheryl & Joanne decided to work together. It was a great night of wandering through graveyards and grocery stores. Some of us tried not to disrupt a Tuesday night church service, but that didn’t work out. Lisa–always a wild card–surprised everyone by sabotaging one of the stops. Her devilish strategy at the Co-op guaranteed that everyone arriving after her would get the wrong answer and an automatic 3 minute penalty. Awesome.

Obviously, the angels were on my side, because I never even made it to Co-op. I lost my manifest shortly after leaving HQ, but I kept my egg safe. I spent 32 minutes on the streets of Altona trying to remember the questions before I packed it in and joined Shaun at the clubhouse. He took no pity on me, but I did bribe him with beer before anyone else thought of it and not surprisingly, I took second place. I got 4 of 12 answers right, took 28 minutes worth of penalties and still managed to beat Cheryl. Again.

Of course, I also had to drink a raw egg to get a time bonus, but I’ve done worse. Lisa downed her egg like a pro, but Julia shook her head and kept repeating one word: salmonella.

While we waited for the race results, Prudence gave an update on life outside Town limits. She continues to jog alone, in coyote country, with only her iPhone for protection. Is there an app that can help her?

Cheryl grew curious about the eggs. Within minutes,  Lisa and I were able to convince her to drink one. Afterwards, she looked kinda queasy. We’re probably going straight to hell.

Julia was quite a trooper–she was lied to by her club mates (first rule of an alley cat: trust no one) but still went on to garner a prize.

  “So fun! I really enjoyed it,” said Julia.

Thanks to Johnny and Shaun for their heavenly support of women’s cycling.

Topics discussed: Four more years for President Obama, Shaun’s big phone, the ABES wool jersey, Athena Grody Division, bad teen drivers, mini-golf and burlesque? opera-singing farmers, prayer sisters, and Prudence rocks the Mavic Inferno jacket with built-in balaclava.

Next event: Country X 2012 is going ahead this Sunday–check the ABES blog for more info on this family-friendly event.


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One Comment
  1. This was definitely the highlight of my week but this is coming from someome who is functioning on 12 hours of sleep over the last three day and it not because I was out having fun.

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